My Birth Story

You know how scary they paint childbirth in the entertainment industry? In just about every movie you see there's a huge panic. The mother is rushed to the hospital in a wheelchair and is forced to lay down on her back while the doctor yells into her vagina "Push!" This very picture is why I never wanted kids. I was terrified of giving birth. 

Once I became pregnant we had already decided to have a home birth. We watched the movie The Business of Being Born on Netflix and read a few Ina May Gaskin books beforehand. I found my midwife LeAnn and after that giving birth no longer scared me. We wanted a water birth.

Let’s just say my birth didn't turn out the way I wanted....

 It was 1:00pm on May 27th. One day after my due date. I just got home from walking around lake Winona with my friend Keaton. I was sitting with Bryan on the couch telling him how the walk went. Suddenly I felt a lot of liquid flow out of me. I looked up at Bryan-wide eyed-and yelled "My water just broke!" I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I was excited. Finally, I thought, he's coming, I'm going to have my water birth! Water was all over the couch and running down my legs. I sat on the toilet thinking the water would all run out- Nope.  

I told Bryan, "I'm glad this didn't happen on our walk!" Bryan called LeAnn and told her my water broke. He handed the phone to me. LeAnn told me to chill out and let her know if I start to notice a pattern with contractions. I hadn't noticed yet because I was still shocked about the water breaking. The water was still running out. I asked her when the water would stop. She said unfortunately it will not stop until the baby comes. I was a little annoyed by this. I told her that I did feel some sort of pain in my abdomen. She told me that it was probably just cramps. She then told me to take the echinacea tincture and to eat some cloves of garlic and to take my temperature. I took the echinacea which tasted like alcohol- I hated it. The garlic was horrible- I was also annoyed by this. My temperature was fine. She told me most women will go into labor withing 12 hours. She advised me to rest and try to relax and go about my normal day. 

I did just that. I was laying on the couch trying to rest but was unable to fall asleep so I tried to relax as much as possible. I eventually did fall asleep for a little bit. I woke with horrible pain in my back. I called LeAnn again and told her I thought the contractions had started. She advised that I take vitamin C. I sent Bryan out to buy some. She tells us both to start setting up the birthing tub but not to fill it with water yet.

LeAnn said it was hard to tell when the contractions started because it was all in my back. She thinks they started between 1:30pm and 3:00pm. They were 2 to 7 minutes apart. I got through them by leaning on a chair in our living room. I took long breaths and tried to relax as much as I could. Bryan was there the whole time holding my hand. My cat Nubbins was in the chair meowing and observing. I called Leanne to let her know how the contractions were. She said she would be over shortly. I have no idea how long this labor was. I was mostly focused on the pain. All the while water was still running out of me. I wasn't as annoyed anymore by this because my focus was entirely on the pain at this point. 

LeAnn finally arrived at 6:55pm. I was on my hands and knees moaning in pain. I was trying to relax and breath through the pain. I was also trying to eat a salad at the same time. Her assistant Brandi arrived shortly after at 7:00pm. LeAnn checked my temperature and checked Gideons heart rate. Everything was normal. 

She tried to do a vaginal exam on the couch but was having a difficult time. We moved the exam upstairs to the guest room bed where she could get a better angle. After the exam LeAnn informs me that Gideon is butt down. Everything came tumbling down after that. I was crying and repeating over and over, "He was head down...He was head down." Because he was literally head down the day before at my weekly visit. LeAnn advises that we go to the hospital. I really did not want to have a c-section. I was in such shock and despair at this point. LeAnn recommends Dr. Schwartz. A doctor in Iowa who specializes in vaginal breech births. I tell her to call him. I was determined to have this baby naturally.  

LeAnn and Brandi go back down stairs letting Bryan and I discuss our options. I keep repeating that he was head down. Bryan is comforting me. I hear LeAnn on the phone downstairs say, "He's in Nebraska?" I look at Bryan and say "Who the hell goes to Nebraska!" Bryan lets out a little laugh. After that I tell Bryan "I don't want to go to the hospital. I want to have this baby here." Bryan tells me,  "Yeah but we have to think of the safest way to have him." I wished that LeAnn specialized in breech births at this point. I hear LeAnn say, "Dr. Bradley." I look at Bryan wide eyed, "Did she just say Dr. Bradley?!" Keaton had just told me a horror story about Dr. Bradley during our walk. "I don't want Dr. Bradley! We are not going to Winona Health! I want to go to Gunderson or any other hospital!"

LeAnn and Brandi come back upstairs and inform me that Dr. Schwartz was in Nebraska. She recommends I go to Winona Health to get an ultrasound and confirm the breech. I told her I did not want to go to Winona Health. Then I ask, "Can we just do the ultrasound at Winona Health then leave and go to Gunderson or Mayo?" LeAnn tells me that if we go to Winona Health they will probably not let me leave their care. So I suggest we go to a different hospital. LeAnn tells me she knows a doctor-Dr. Richards-at Olmsted medical center that she thinks I would like. I agree. Bryan packs a bag and we head out the door. I decide to lie in the back seat with a pillow between my legs. My contractions are still going pretty strong. Brandi lays a big bowl behind the passenger seat right in front of me in case I vomit. We head off, Bryan and I in his car, LeAnn and Brandi in LeAnn's car. 

On the way to Rochester my contractions are exactly 3 minutes apart and very painful. I moan like a dying cow in the back seat. Bryan reaches back and holds my hand with each rush. LeAnn tells me later that her and Brandi figured this out when they saw Bryan's arm going back every 3 minutes.

We arrive at Olmsted and I am put in a wheelchair and rushed to my room. We get to the room and I am hunched over the bed moaning with each contraction. I meet Dr. Richards and she is very nice. She tells me my options are a very risky vaginal birth or a cesarean. I tell her I want to have the baby naturally. I am only able to talk between the contractions. Once the contractions kicked in I was completely consumed with pain. I was in the middle of a really  painful one when this man was beside me asking something. He may have asked if I was allergic to any medication but who knows. I looked at him like I was going to punch him right in the face. 

LeAnn takes me into the bathroom and waits through a contraction. She asks me what I want to do. I tell her I want to have the baby naturally. She advises that I tell Dr. Richards. We come out of the bathroom and I tell Dr. Richards that I want to have the baby naturally. I ask her if anyone here specializes in breech births. She tells me that they won't do it. She said I don't have enough confidence in myself to do it. She tells me the risks of the head being stuck. At this point I give in. I tell her ok lets do the c-section. I tell her I want Bryan at my side at all times. LeAnn tells me later when we get home that I was 8 centimeters dilated that whole time. She also told me I handled the labor pains like a pro. 

I lay on my hospital bed and they roll me to the operating room. I am transferred to a different bed in the operating room.  I have to sit on the edge so they can give me a shot in my back. I had to lean forward quite a bit and it was uncomfortable. I noticed that Bryan was not around. "Where's Bryan?" I asked. "He will be here as soon as we are done with the shot." a nurse tells me. They finished with the shot and have me lie back down. We had to wait for the medicine to numb me. 

Bryan showed up just before they put up the blue cloth blocking me from seeing the operation. I was completely loopy and smiling like and idiot. Bryan was drawing pictures on the blue cloth. I was smiling at the drawings and asking him what they were. He drew Gideon and our two cats Nubbins and Nuna. I feel pulling but no pain. I look up at Bryan. He was looking at the doctor. He looked scared. Then I hear Gideon crying. It was the most adorable sound. I hear Dr. Richard say "Uh-ho he's pooping." Good job Gideon was my first thought. "He has such a soft cry," I hear someone say. I look up at Bryan with intensity, "I want him on my chest right now!" Right after I said that there he was- right next to my face. There wasn't any room on my chest. "Hi Gideon it's mama!" I say. I could have stared into those eyes for hours. 

We were wheeled back to our hospital room. Gideon in his own little wheeled bed. I was given pain meds and told to rest. Once they left the room I asked for Gideon. Bryan brought him over to me. I held him for a while. I must have passed out at some point. I woke up because they had these things on my legs that would squeeze every few minutes. It was kind of hard to sleep with those. I hated being bed ridden, unable to get up and hold Gideon. I cried the next morning. I could not stop going over and over in my head that he was head down just a day before my water broke. I hated being in a hospital and not at home where I felt safe and at peace. 

At some point the next day I was trying to feed Gideon. I had both breasts out and some man walked into my room. I gave him a dirty look and asked him what the hell he wanted. He said he was the pediatrician. He examined Gideon then told us he had a click in his hip. He recommended we have an ultrasound when he is 6 weeks old. I thought he was full of shit. I told him we will discuss it with our midwife. He kept insisting we schedule a hip ultrasound at Mayo. I wanted him to leave at this point so I kind of shut down. I was quite upset about him barging into my room like that. I never asked for a pediatrician nor did I want one. I just wanted to be at home with our family. 

Mine and Bryan's mom came to visit us the next day. I was able to get up and walk that same day. So I decided to pay a visit to that pediatricians office. I told him, "We will decide if we want that ultrasound. And also could you please knock before you come into my room." I walked a couple more times that day pushing Gideon's wheel bed. I was having some trouble feeding Gideon. They had a lactation consultant come in and help me out. She taught me how to extract, how to hold my nipple and how to get a good latch.

Bryan and I were both irritable the next day. We really wanted to leave. The nurse had told us the day before that we might be able to leave the next day if I was doing ok. I felt like I could manage. So I told the nurse we wanted to leave. They told us to talk to a doctor about it. They wanted me to sign release papers. It wasn't Dr. Richards but this doctor was also nice. I forgot her name. She asked if I was sure I wanted to leave. I told her yes. Bryan went out to get us some food from Chipotle because the hospital food was shit. I packed up all our stuff while he was gone. I was excited to go home. Bryan came back and we ate our food.

The pediatrician showed up again, he knocked this time, urging us to get that ultrasound. I said ok we will talk it over with our midwife. He had our release papers. We signed them and then we were on our way! A nurse had to make sure our car seat was being used properly. We got him strapped in and off we went to Walgreen's for my pain meds. I slowly got out of the car, a nice man in the next car over helped me out. I got my pain meds and we were finally on our way home. I knew my mom was at our house. 

I found out my mom had cleaned the whole house. She had an adorable rocking cradle set up in the living room. LeAnn had taken the birthing tub and any evidence of the home birth out of the house. I was so thankful for that. If I had seen that tub I probably would have broken down. 

The next few weeks were a blur. I was having trouble with my milk supply. My milk was very watery. Gideon was dehydrated and underweight. Come to find out I was not eating enough. I was so focused on Gideon that I wasn't taking care of myself. LeAnn made sure I was eating the right foods. Soon after I was eating enough my milk was less watery. Although I still wasn't producing enough. 


Brandi found some wonderful moms who gave us donor milk. I had to pump every hour for 20 minutes. This was torture because I was barely able to sleep in between pumps. Thank god for my mom and Bryan. There is no way I would have gotten through those first 2 weeks without them. They made sure I was fed, made sure I was pumping every hour and made sure I was sleeping between. The pain meds really fucked me up I was very loopy. 

I cried almost every day. I kept going over and over again in my head what could have happened- what should have happened. Did I not do enough of the exercises from birth class? Maybe if I had done the exercise just minutes before my water broke maybe he would have been head down. Every time I thought about being in that hospital I cried. 

Gideon and me just a day after we left the hospital

I am much better now. Gideon is my angel. I no longer cry and I am grateful to have such a wonderful son. He lights up every day of our lives. I am also grateful for LeAnn and Brandi. I felt very well taken care of. I didn't want them to leave me. If I had it my way they would have stayed with me at the hospital the whole time. 

People like to say that it doesn't matter how you give birth as long as the baby comes out alive and healthy. I had my heart set on this home birth and it ended in a hospital with a major surgery. How you give birth matters. No matter what anyone says it matters.